4 Common Relationship Concerns That Clients Have
4 Common Relationship Concerns That Clients Have
Living in affluence does not mean following or obeying the mainstream tribe of affluence. It means embracing YOUR difference & dealing with the calling of abundance from day to day.
Join today’s conversation on why you as an affluent professional woman, a High Net Worth (HNW), or, Ultra High Net Worth (UHNW) Woman should look carefully at your hybrid relationships consisting of professional, social and personal situations and begin a process of wellness discover when the dynamics are not making you as happy, or even contented, as you had thought. Time is of the essence for you. You want to achieve as much as possible as the years fly by. You are getting older and you feel there is still so much that you want to do before your time is up.
Mingled into this are the expectations of others. The others who are YOUR life partner (husband, fiance, boyfriend, gentleman friend, wife, girlfriend, lover, lady friend). The others who are YOUR family (near and distant, bloodline and step family). The others who are YOUR ‘friends’. The others who are YOUR colleagues. The others who are stakeholders in YOUR life.
You are an UHNW, HNW or affluent professional woman and you have experienced a myriad of life trials and tribulations. You have been through levels of hate, stress, anger, self loathing, emotional upheaval, tears and tantrums. You have also danced along your life journey in the giddiness of joy, happiness, affection, glee, love, elation and adoration.
So, you are what you are and that is an affluent woman. You are shy or an introvert. Perhaps with low level autism. You live in an affluent home. You live an affluent lifestyle. You have weight fluctuations. You have dietary impulses. You have relationship quandaries. Yet presently you are dealing with a situation that is causing you some concern as an affluent woman who wants to be happy and contented with her lot. Not gathering life cobwebs of same old, same old. Instead you want solutions to having your life back. Where you want to do more good and discover more things that resonate with you in a meaningful way. Professionally. Socially. Personally. So today this is where you find yourself. Reassessing a life change. Considering a release from something that is not sitting well within your life.
Let me begin by sharing some personal things with you from my childhood and adolescent life.
As a child I remember going to family weddings, christenings, First Holy Communions and Confirmations and birthday get togethers. As a child I observed some male family individuals or friends of family get a tad too merry on the free alcohol. Sometimes the alcohol would add fire to an already fractious personal relationship and things would be said and physical stuff would happen. My mother and father were always there with me placing me out of harms way. Away from the nonsense that would ensue.
As a child I heard and saw parents of school friends converse vehemently at each other within their home. I saw and felt the devastation that this was having on my school friends. I became a rock of hope for them during school by keeping them motivated. I became a sounding board to their emotional outlet. I became a crutch when they would cry and blame one parent or both parents for not being a proper parent.
As a child and adolescent I overheard neighbours talk about an Irish family, a Polish family, an Indian family, a Pakistani family, a Greek family, a Spanish family, a Turkish family, an Italian family who were drawing concern to the possibility of physical abuse. Plus, stories of men having affairs and/or leaving their wives. It was a time where there was a pressure cooker of relationships going on. It was the 1960’s and my family were living in a new home in a new area of London. Many of the people were first or second generation British Commonwealth that mingled with other nationalities who were also first or second generation to the area and we all mingled with the natives of the area. Some were welcoming. Some were not. It was a new housing development and everything was brand new. It was common to see Jewish people, Muslims, Buddhists and Christians living side by side. There was a nearby church, as well as a not too far synagogue or temple. It was common to smell the different foods that were being prepared at various homes for the evening family meals. One thing this new community had with everywhere else was the ability to gossip. Gossip was rife. I observed the children of these first or second generation families. A handful of these children went to my school, others went to neighbouring grammar and comprehensive schools that I knew of. These children were picking up traits of their explosive households. Shouting at each other in the street to hurry up, man-handling each other, avoiding people's gaze or behaving in a bullying stance towards people that would be looking at them. There was angst or caution in their behaviour. I remember these children and I remember seeing a few of them as adults who were living in the same area with children in tow. I must admit that they looked resentful of their situation. Or, still, avoiding the gaze of people as they waited at a bus stop or train station for their journey away from their family home. I could see the determination in them to change their life around and be far away from their childhood shackles. This look, or body language, I saw frequently as a child, as an adolescent, as a young woman and as a middle aged woman in individuals that went to university, in work colleagues and in complete strangers. Sometimes the signs are obvious. Sometimes the signs are subtle.
As an adolescent, my family home was a few doors away from a strict Irish Catholic family. Mother, father and five children. I learned from another neighbour that the father was on police record as a paedophile. I always remember the children with the mother going to school. Fiercely proud lady, she always held herself well in public. I liked her. She was very much about children getting a good education and progressing further in life. I remember her husband. Tall man. Distant, yet polite. Quiet man. When he was with his children he always sounded harsh when addressing them. All the children had their head bowed and shoulders hunched over in public when they were seen with their father. They walked a few steps away from him on the street. Which had the man barking at them to hurry up or to walk together.
I lived on a London street where the homes were opposite a green area. So I often noticed that; like most people, the children would walk along the parallel path instead of the pavement on the same side of their home. When I went to university as a mature student, through gossip grapevines of my old home, I heard that all of the children from this Catholic Irish household had good jobs and lived away from their parents. There was no compulsion to stay in the same area where they were brought up. It was their escape.
DID YOU KNOW that small concerns, disputes, issues, problems, etc., in professional, social and personal relationships are often the ones that you have an inclination to overlook or ignore? But in actuality they are really the ones that you should be addressing right away with yourself. Especially if the concern is troubling you, niggling you or irritating you to do something to make you feel better, or make a situation better. You and I both know that large problems do not begin life as large problems. That is the Universal truth. There is always a seed point and an incrementation. A growth ensues that needs addressing. A growth ensues that is calling for attention. A growth ensues that is calling for help and solutions.
These growths of yours have a pattern of starting life through little annoyances and moments that you discard or dismiss for a battle later on. Remember the saying that “You should always pick your battles.” Do you know what that truly means? It means that you should choose not to participate in minor, unimportant, or, overly difficult arguments, contests or confrontations, instead you should be saving your strength for those battles that will be of greater resolution importance OR where one has a greater chance of success. I happen to believe that all seed points require attention so that they do not manifest into, grow into, or, escalate into controversial psychological and/or physical abuse outcomes.
When you hold your emotions in and enter into a stiff upper lip persona, it can do more harm than good. In fact, you may even feel like a train wreck from the full steam ahead brigade going on in your head. This stress or dis-ease can result in an emotional pressure burst.
It is because of this that I am writing to you, to all intents and purposes, about the four ‘small concerns’ that you need to be looking at and addressing within your professional, social and/or personal relationships today before they manifest into something uncontrollable leaving internal scars.
1. YOU ARE NOT SINGING FROM THE SAME HYMN SHEET WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCES & YOUR FUTURE
Right now. Today. Look at your life. Think about it. What is the relationship that you believe you are having with yourself? What is the relationship that you believe you are having with your family? What is the relationship that you believe you are having with work colleagues? What is the relationship that you believe you are having in social circles? What is the relationship that you believe you are having with your partner? What is out of sorts? What feels odd? What is not in alignment? How many times are you saying to yourself:
“This will do for the moment until blah, blah, blah __________ “ (you fill in the blah, blah, blah and the blank).
“This is OK for the moment until blah, blah, blah __________ “ (you fill in the blah, blah, blah and the blank).
“I can live with this until blah, blah, blah __________ “ (you fill in the blah, blah, blah and the blank).
“I am enjoying myself for now until blah, blah, blah __________ “ (you fill in the blah, blah, blah and the blank).
Then you fall into the trap of being comfortable within a given situation. Or, putting up with a given situation due to be being polite, or not wanting to offend anyone, or putting something off for another day instead of addressing the concern on your mind, or someone else’s mind. You need to communicate better, openly and more. Not only with yourself but also with the other individual concerned with the issue. Instead of letting the concern build into a resentment.
2. WHERE IS YOUR LIFE EQUILIBRIUM COMING FROM?
Right now. Today. Look at your life. Think about it. Where is the balance in your life? Where is that balance; if any, emanating from?
Had you grown up with a strong mother who preferred to have the kitchen as her domain? Or the family home where your mother had her reasons for it looking in a particular way. That this was all in her domain and she did not need to share the reasons as to why it looked as it did?
Had you a father who never worked? Had you a father who had several jobs and no career? Had you a father who was always working and was barely at home? Had you a mother or father who did not communicate openly, or barely at all? Where was the equilibrium, the balance, the composure in your life as a child? How did this lack of an equilibrium, a balance or a sense of non corrosive composure, affect you during school? As a young adult? In work and social situations? How is it all impacting on you today? Genuinely. How is it all impacting on you today?
Are you finding that the stress of carrying your weight and that of others is taking its toll on you? Are you finding that the resentment of being asked to do something is beneath you, or that the task is for someone else to deal with? What would happen if you divorced yourself from that situation?
3. ADDRESSING THE DISTANCE FROM YOUR HEAD TO YOUR HEART IN ALL YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
Right now. Today. Look at your life. Think about it. Do you see yourself as a warm-hearted or cold-hearted individual? Are you biased? Are you judgemental? Are you blinkered? Are you a tactile person or not? Could you easily live with not having sex in your life? Could you easily live with minimal or no intimacy in your life? Are you happy living alone? Do your family view you as a cold hearted woman? Do your friends view you as a compassionate, heartfelt woman? Do your work colleagues view you as someone pleasant to be in the company of? Or do your work colleagues view you as someone who leeches on the attention of others? Do you care about how others view you and your lack of closeness, intimacy, warmth or pleasantry? Do you resent having to be whom you are not in professional, social and personal situations and relationships? Where are you drawing the line in the sand regarding how you behave or act in a relationship that requires more than you can give, or indeed want to give? What is the distance from your head to your heart? Where is the distance in your relationships? Professionally. Socially. Personally.
4. FAMILIARITY BREEDS CONTENT
Right now. Today. Look at your life. Think about it. Where are you placing an emphasise in your life? What matters more to you right now? Are you in a state of; comfortable or uncomfortable, same old, same old? Or are you in a state of ‘I do not care and I am ploughing ahead in any event’? Are your relationships tipping over the edge due to someone in it becoming complacent? Someone whom is settling for the lower rung of the relationship ladder and not wanting to rock the boat and aim higher, or, do more to help a situation? Is this lower rung of the relationship ladder in your professional capacity? In your social circles? In your personal life? Do you feel lumbered with this individual or a set of people? When you feel that you or someone in your relationship is ceasing to make a real effort in participating in your relationship, do you feel as though you are living a lie? That perhaps it is a life lie that you can be comfortable in living with?
Are you a floater in your relationships? Meaning someone who is happy to leap from stepping stone to stepping stone from one side of the river to the other side, in order to experience what you imagine is better than where you are now? That there is a better way of living than how you are living right now. Using people as you go along your professional, social and personal journeys.
Are you a 100%er? Putting your entire heart and soul into your relationship. Investing in it with both feet and self-assurance, feeling that it has the potential to work out.
What if you are a floater and your partner is a floater? Where does that leave you both? What did the contract from your head and the agreement from your heart decide upon in order for you to be happy in this relationship?
What if you are a 100%er and your partner is not? Will you turn into that needy woman that you despise in other women?
Knowing yourself as you do, would you be comfortable working with or socialising with someone who is not prepared to give you 100% attention, gratitude, appreciation or even respect? Or are you looking for someone else to make the change so that the dynamics of your work or social relationships can move to the next stage?
What about living with someone who is not prepared to give you 100% attention, gratitude, appreciation and affection? Are you looking for someone else to make the change so that the dynamics of your personal relationship can move to the next stage? Maybe you are contented with the complacency that is apparent in your life right now?
Are you seeing the potential of opportunities where you can make a change in your behaviour that feels comfortable to you, yet is in agreement with the progression of a professional, social or personal relationship? That you want things to turn around for the betterment of you and in turn is advantageous to the conviviality of your relationships.
So there you have it. A composite of the four common relationship concerns that clients have in their professional, social and personal roles when they contact me. Or that are discovered later on in the consultations.
Yes. You may feel as though you are walking on a tightrope with an incredibly small safety net or no safety net whatsoever. That you are happily bouncing up and down on a luxury, exclusive trampoline, yet you take a huge leap to the stars and discover on your way down that someone has taken away your trampoline. It is crucial for you to understand that if you REALLY want your hybrid of relationships to work, that addressing and facing the relationship concern(s) is key. Even if it is you who feels, or someone else in the relationship that feels, that the concerns appear too small or not important enough to talk about or deal with.
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If you are feeling ‘so-so’, or, not coping well over the current season as you try to manage things through self isolation or a lock-down situation, in addition to having risen to the status of being a HNW, UHNW or affluent professional woman; including you dealing with being different as your place in society changes, drop me an email. At this time of the year how are you feeling about the relationship with your own Self? The most important relationship in your life. How is that going?
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